THE BLISS OF INSOMNIA

Healing

 

A healing tale

Healing came fully into my life in Tulum, under the excuse of helping me heal a sudden and apparently inexplicable insomnia. As it turned out, both things were a hell of an experience. I told Chandree, my host, about it and it turned out she was a healer – and an excellent one too. Seen that I had no memory to work with, Chandree used TFT, ‘Thought Field Therapy.’

Through placing on my thought field what was disturbing me and tapping on my meridians, I felt my emotions moving through my body. One by one, they quickly unveiled what was shielded from me.

Soon enough, I found I was not alone in my body.

There was a giant invisible and forgotten old friend sharing my life with me, my subconscious mind. Which was great, if it was not such a control freak. I kid. See, my subconscious mind had developed a clear intertwined web of defence mechanisms and behaviours. It was an inoffensive.

My subconscious mind was only making sure I’d not go through the pain and suffering that I had experienced in previous stages of my life. At the time, I was too young to process what had happened emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually. So, it buried a few crucial memories.

It was a very cool thing to do… If what I wanted to do with my life consciously didn’t create so many conflicts with what was going on in my subconscious.

Afraid of hurting and without being able to send me an email telling me what was going on, my subconscious nudged me here and there. It automatically manifested what was going inside whenever it had the change. It repeated the same patterns over and over again, and seriously tried to get my attention. But I was not aware of it…

Its language was so subliminal that I was not listening. Don’t take me wrong; I would if I knew how to. Instead, I just faced whatever was thrown at my life, head on. I kept failing and coming back to the beginning. Then, I decided, “Oh well, that’s me, and this is who I am.”

My behaviour became my identity.

But, my wounded inner child was having none of it and getting more deeply hurt by the day. Mainly because I was ignoring her subtle kicking, shouting, screaming. Then, she started kicking and shouting a bit louder. It was as if she was trying to tell me a few things like:

“While you are there wasting your time trying to work this out alone, I am here with a huge pile of unexpressed sadness, embarrassment, anger, etc. If you do not come here and clean this mess, I am not going to let you live your dreams fully. You think you are ready, but you are not. You have to understand a few things first. It’s not safe for you to do it yet. Ok? You do not remember what happened because I took your memories away, but now you are all grown up. Listen to me.”      

So, I was clashing with my deep original programming, ignoring my shadows and letting them build up. I have to confess not letting me have my beauty sleep was a great move from my subconscious mind. It certainly got my full attention. And, it made me get an interpreter – TFT. So, I started clearing the mess. After the first session, I slept like a baby and woke up in a house with at least a dozen cats.

Like a real child, my inner child decided not to let sleep every time it wanted attention.

So, it left me no choice, I became addicted to healing and decided to find out how deep the rabbit hole really went. At the time, I did not know what healing was, I just knew this was making my life magically better.

TFT was fast, and I wanted to go faster. Dive to the root, and pull more weeds out. Chandree taught me EFT, ‘Emotional Freedom Techniques. And I became even more obsessed than before. Every time an emotion surfaced that disturbed my peace of mind, I was out there in the open field hunting. Or, in other words, I was following that emotion and chasing it to the root with or without her.

When that was not enough – as if there is such as thing as EFT not being enough – we started doing Matrix Reimprinting. That was it; I was sold. I was having ongoing conversations with my inner child all day long.

My inner judge was becoming kinder.

Instead of shouting at me, we were best friends! It started attracting my kind of thoughts. I fell in love with my deep subconscious, and with myself. I started really valuing who I was and who I had been.

The benefits of my addiction to healing revealed themselves much bigger than the positive ongoing chat with my subconscious and lots of self-love. I started changing quite holistically, integrally, completely, on a cellular level. Actually, it changed me on all levels, mind, body, and soul.

Yet, I was not becoming someone else. I was becoming ‘my self.’ The person who I had always been all along. What I was removing was the dirt, or as my ‘roomie’ used to say back then, “Your little inner shit.” So I said consciously goodbye to specific fears, reactive compulsory anger, latent resentment, hidden embarrassments, forgotten pain, etc. Not by ignoring them, but by learning from them.

I was not those things anyway; those were emotions. Whenever they arose, I quickly tapped into myself, wherever I was. I do wonder what people in the streets thought as they saw me walking and tapping away. But that’s their judgement and is theirs alone, my business was with my inner child. And I told my inner child,

“It’s okay, I got this! Maybe we can reach enlightenment baby.”  

Oh, and I have not told you the best about all this yet, the spiritual benefits of clearing the mess. But I guess that by now you are thinking, “I have things to do, a life to live. When does this end?” It’s OK. You do not want to read my whole healing story now. That’s fine; I will carry on tomorrow.

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In the meantime, if you’d like to know more, go ahead and motivate me. Share this story with your friends. I will thank you, and so will they.