Let what sabotages you, be what lifts you up
I sat on the brown tiles by the front door. My back was leaning against it. Above, the usual Mexican blue sky was a deep dark grey, ready to let go of the pressure it contained. Within a few minutes, the rain started falling so hard that every single drop jumped a few inches in the air only to fall again and disappear star-shaped on the cement floor outside. The neighbourhood was quiet, not a neighbour, car or dog around, only the rain. It was a good start to a warm 2017 in Tulum.
Apart from one small detail. I did not know what to write. I had promised myself that in 2017, I would write start writing about fears, challenges, self-sabotage and how to overcome them. The goal was to show others a different reality of the same world, to open a door to infinite possibilities, to empower others and to finally write about what I felt deeply in my heart, my experience of the truth.
Surely, it was a good idea, if only my subconscious mind agreed with me…
Could it be that my PHD in self-sabotage techniques bore no fruits?
The grey sky turned into blue which in return disappeared as the sun kissed the earth goodbye for the first time in 2017. I had edited stories, written freely about other less interesting topics, meditated, eaten, done yoga, played the ukulele, walked the dog, and nothing came up on self-sabotage the whole day. At night, I sat across the living room, on the bean bag, tilted my head back and closed my eyes. Within a few seconds, I started shaking my head smiling in disbelief. Not knowing where to start, what a gift in disguise. It seemed sabotage was starting to turn into my best friend.
I finished a passionate article that day, as inspirational and heartfelt as I could summon and posted it here. A post which six months later, I was obliged to sit down and revise. I erased half of it. The half that concluded in the enthusiastic mentioned of the three word overwhelming sentence made famous by Nike, “Just do it.” It seemed great at the time, but my own experience of life showed me something else.
You are already doing it.
This moment, this life, this breath is already your dream. There are some parts to it that you are not enjoying as much. Maybe you feel like you have to do things like going to work in an office you hate, and spending your day with people who you feel disconnected from. Sometimes you want to change it, to change the reality of what you are living, and you feel powerless. Others, you get so close to changing it, you ask for the opportunities, life sends them your way and in the last minute, fear gets the best of you. And you feel stuck in a never ending vicious enslaving cycle Emile Pouget would have called, “Le sabotage…” in 1911!
The outdated notion of sabotage was invented early in the 19th century during the industrial era. Someone realised that by maliciously and deliberately creating diversions to cut the production they could benefit in other ways. It’s funny how your inner judge applies half of the meaning of it to your lives and ignores the other half, the empowering part. The part conveniently ignored is the half that says, “benefit from it in other ways.” And we all do it. Until we allow ourselves to fully experience the truth behind sabotage. Until, we learn that sabotage is a very smart friend who is only trying to help us.
The problem is not sabotage.
The problem is that you let the dictionary – someone else’s creation – dictate what a word is instead of experiencing its vibration to its full extent. Words are a way of conveying knowledge acquired through experiences. Words are tools, not whips. If you are experiencing apparent sabotage it’s because there’s something else greater that you are learning from this. Perhaps, exactly what you asked for to empower you and do what you have been dreaming of for a long time. The dream is the direction, the sabotage is the key, enjoy it and it will soon fade away.
See, your soul is perfect, not a bad kid in need of punishment. Don’t criticise it for what it’s attracting to your human experience. It’s doing it for a reason and it will carry on doing it until you realise what it is so eagerly trying to show you, and it will not stop until you learn. Be grateful. You are living a magic experience.
If you don’t believe me, experience it yourself.